All That Holds You Back

You can, for a day or three, step away from a conscious choice and remove yourself from the noise. But when can you safely step back?

I’ve been absent from this space for a couple of weeks. I’m not sure if it was a conscious choice, but it was one I made. First I was under the weather and I missed a few days that grew into weeks. I had other concerns and, somehow, I did not feel like writing, not here, not in my journal, no poetry; nothing.

My pencil was silent.

I write. It is what I do, I write every damn day. But I haven’t been, and each day there was a little less guilt. Deadlines came and went, and then were forgotten, as were the days of the week.

It was early this morning when I realized it was Wednesday, and here I am writing, again.

During this break I read more than I have been, I thought more than I usually do, and I rested more like I needed it. It was a valuable time for education, for letting my mind go to other places, and for focusing on things I need to pay more attention to.

But I need to write, I know that, so I am stepping back fully aware, but with a lesser intent.

I cannot be consumed with deadlines. I need to write, again, like I did, when I could and how I am. It is the process that I somehow became distracted from.

It’s personal when you realize that you are not all that you have, but you are all that holds you back.

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