Does it feel this way for everyone?
This darkness, this temptation, to look away,
to step away, from a silent fire.
I have been burned.
I am vulnerable.
I am afraid of speaking out.
I hold these heavy thoughts back from others (don’t they have their own concerns).
What do I keep away from myself?
Does it matter?
Couldn’t I simply amuse myself
with lighter thoughts, or gentle distractions – wouldn’t golf become
a more useful game – where the object, intent, and goal is so simple?
Who am I to think my purpose or intention is more important, or
I am simply missing the point?
I am hurting.
Am I ignoring the hurt?
My eyelids are heavy;
is it from seeing too much, or is it from trying
to keep them shut?

© 2018 j.g. lewis

Monday night I went out with my camera to capture the Moon in all of its glory, but returned home without the shot I was hoping for.
   I have been disappointed before.
   Sometimes it’s the clouds, location, forgetfulness, obligations elsewhere, or even man-made obstructions, but the other night I was left with the feeling I had been denied what should come naturally.
   We can’t always appreciate a night under a Full Moon, but when you know it is there you should still permit yourself time for reflection (if not meditation).
   Our awareness shifts when we are allowed some clarity. Emotionally, the intensity of everything becomes abundantly clear and we persist in seeking the stability we desire.
   The answers are not always there when the inspiration is obscured.
   Even so, evermore, we continue to consider the totality of its affect as we keep looking up.

© 2023 j.g. lewis

Our identity is as much who we are, as who we want to be.

Who we are; it’s complicated (I know I am) and every once in a while we need to remind ourselves of what makes us unique, interesting, desirable, and worthy.

I am so many things; defined as much by what I do as what happens to be.

I am, above all else, a father. The aspects of that role alone change, and will continue to change, as time passes. The importance is not lost on me, nor is it expected.

I am a brother. I am an orphan of sorts. I am a friend. I am a lover. I am an individual, but I am part of something quite magnificent.

I am not alone.

I don’t subscribe to a particular religion, but I do have faith. I won’t simply cop out and say I am spiritual; I was raised Christian and I do not know enough about the alternatives, so, right now, it is what I know.

I am open to change.

I am Canadian. I was born here; it is what I have always known.

I am curious. I am kind. I am present.

I am aware.

I am a poet and I am a writer. I choose to differentiate because the roles are not interchangeable, and I will flip back and forth depending on the mood or the muse. Words do not limit me.

I am who I am, more than what I am.

I am a historian in as much as I’ve learned the lessons of the past will, often, temper decisions I make about the future. I am here, and I will not go back there.

I am flawed, at times fucked up, yet I see my shortcomings as opportunities to heal, to change, and to be more understanding of those who, like me, can easily be led astray (curiosity does have consequences).

I am a sinner, and not purposely so. Perhaps “survivor” would be more apt. I have done what I needed to do.

I am grateful, and I am ashamed.

I am myself.

I am a man, but more so; I am human.

I am a possibility.

I am many things. More importantly, I could be more.

© 2019 j.g. lewis

Assign a weight to each issue you face, every problem you encounter and objectionable instance you endure in your day-to-day existence.

What is the unit of measurement you will choose for the negative vibes, uncaring attitudes, or ignorant comments you experience from others?

Size and substance are not immeasurable.

Mass and significance vary by classification, but practicality dictates the terms you use to identify volume: a mouthful of vitriol, handful of hatred, several ounces of misfortune, a gram or two of naïveté, dash of criticism, dollop of guilt, or pound of misdirected anger.

How many bags will you fill with harsh emotions, unsettled grievances, and undeserved opinions?

It is our nature to compartmentalize.

Where does it fit?

What is the weight on your shoulders?

Realize, before you step further into the day, that this is not yours to carry.

© 2023 j.g. lewis

                  Awoken by thoughts
            

          or a voice shouting on the street below
  

      or 
             

 nothing

     3 a.m. or later


              window open    comfortably cool

this June rain makes more of an impression


   in isolation
 

                              silence challenges


both history and the future
   

our daily lives and routines

 only a reminder
 

                  humans need humans

         Craving physical contact


we all need   friendship    security


compassion  and  hope

 We need more meaning on


        how we really spend our lives

The indisputable truth:


        All of us have sinned

Now we realize everyone needs


             Community

                   crisis or chaos


                 we are denied

                               guilt will find a place to rest

                           how do you sleep at night?

© 2020 j.g. lewis