I am normally a list-maker in the physical form, in addition to all the mental notes that continue to clutter my head.
I suppose I like to think it maintains order, or balance. Or both.
Maybe that’s simply a rationalization I use to try and validate my existence or even justify my purpose.
I find, many times, that even if I don’t refer to the list as frequently as I should, it already is meaningful because I took the time to scratch it out.
It is then imbedded on the page and possibly in my memory.
Last week I made an attempt to further clarify this practice. I started (or intended) to work more closely on the list, referring to things I need to take care of (I put myself at the top of the list), matters needing resolution, and issues I need to address.
My intent, as I slowly began the process, was to have it there to check off on daily basis, to monitor my behaviors and concerns, and to even add to the list if required.
That was my intent.
My reality was that by Monday I was already straying from the ideal.
As I sat at my regular Starbucks stool, fresh pad and sharp pencil laid out before me (every day should begin with a sharp pencil), I was distracted by a rigorous thought about an inane pop song from my teenage years that has been showing up all too frequently on the coffee shop playlist.
Instead of taking my intentions in hand, or to heart, I began thinking and journaling about my memories of this damn song, later including it on my website.
The moral of last Monday was to get the insubstantial thoughts out of your head earlier in the week so you are better able to deal with the consequential thoughts and important decisions that will arrive later in the later days.
To me, last Monday, it seemed like a rational thought.
Unfortunately it took away from my immediate intention to construct a concrete, viable list. In fact, I sort of forgot all about the list until Friday. I was then reminded; and had I started the list I would have been continually reminded.
So, this week, I’m going to begin again.
I’ll call it a new list, even though the last list didn’t even get started.
I might even call it a priority list (again, I will put my self right up top), because it really is something I need to do.